1812 Autumn in the forest, still in the tower:
The invention of the printing press has ruined all the local tales and now they are in the hands of junk journalists. A passing stranger told me that the brothers Grimm have come out with “Rapunzel” - based on my life - in their Children’s and Household Tales. I thought we had all this straightened out back in 1698 when Charlotte-Rose de la Force interviewed me for her French literary society. The caption read “Persinette - trapped in a tower”. Most of it was accurate. I liked that. Somehow I got the nickname Parsley. That ticked me off, but it’s not as bad as this Rapunzel broad I’m supposed to be.
1812:
Rats in my hair.
On a dry day:
Tanisha came by. She told me that if I ever wanted to get out of this tower, she knew a great place where you could get incredible weaves and extensions for a bargain. I said “Tanisha, I have at least 60 feet of thick blonde hair any prince would kill for. What is your problem?”
I’m going to stop pretending I know what date it is:
Everybody is always coming by and nobody is helping me out of here. This couple comes by all the time and tries to throw sweets up to me. Stupid people. Today they had a confession. You meet a lot of quacks in the forest. The man says the woman is his wife. Yeah? And she’s my mom. Who had such a craving for bellflower that they traded me, basically for a salad, at birth. Ah, no. The ogress is my mom, why else would she lock me up here to preserve my purity? Stupid, stupid people.
Entry:
Prince heard me sing. Thinks he’s in love with me. Climbed my hair. Eek! I never saw a man close up. He was ruddy and strong and I think he coerced me. He got naked and all weird. I don’t want to talk about it. He said he wanted to marry me and get me out of the tower and I came up with a plan. Needed Tanisha. Got to get out of this tower at any cost. Mom found out. Cut my hair. Oh boy, I need Tanisha.
Entry:
I’m really screwed now, crying all night. Mom banished me to a desert. I can’t cope. I’m desperate. I get sick every morning and my tummy is growing.
Entry:
Nothing is happening, it’s been years I think. The twins help me from time to time. I have no idea why I was blessed with them. I guess Mom put a spell on me.
Entry:
Prince showed up and he was stumbling around blind. I was so happy to see another person and so was he that we fell on each other and wept. Suddenly he could see. He took us far away to his kingdom.
Final Entry:
I read it on a bumper sticker, but it applies perfectly “They all lived happily ever after”. P.S. there’s a lot of buzz around the castle about an up and comer named Disney.
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