Poetry - The decision

I ponder, I weigh, I write two columns

One – pro, the other – con

I muse, I project, I study

I weigh again until weighing from one hand to the other

Becomes heavy

And gesturing give way to voice



I speak to the air, I talk to the cat

I mumble under my breath

I discuss with my partner

He has many valuable things to say

　

Now I think, I mumble, I gesture and I pace

　

I’m doing something

Gliding from one end of the room to the other

Talking to the air



I decide

I don’t know how

And I don’t know what it means



Now I must act, I suppose

That’s what decisions are for

Should I do this?

Should I do that?



I’m weighing again

There are significant pros and cons

Only verbal ones get on the short list

There is wild gesturing and audible mumbling



I pace myself

And with deliberate measured steps

I walk towards the phone

Now I am walking and talking



I act

I pick up the receiver

One hand cradles it while the other touches the numbers

　

　

I listen

Ten short uniform tones

Silence for ½ a second

Ringing, ringing, ringing



I hold my breath and close my eyes

My heart lightly palpitates

My knees weaken

I am fully in action



A click and “Hello?”

I freeze just a little

“Hello Mom. This is Mary.”

“Who are you?” She questions with anger in her voice.

“I’m your daughter…”